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S3 E1: ''I'm a virgin at 25, what's wrong with me?''

We are kicking off season three with a bang (pun intended) and we are not holding back sis! In this episode, we get very raw and personal while sharing our thoughts and experiences around sex, attachments and relationships. We also unravel some interesting questions such as 'Is there such an age too old to still be a virgin? Is everyone having sex? When is the right time? Can it impact future relationships in a negative way?



We are kicking off season three with a bang (pun intended) and we are not holding back sis! In this episode, we get very raw and personal while sharing our thoughts and experiences around sex, attachments and relationships. We also unravel some interesting questions such as 'Is there such an age too old to still be a virgin? Is everyone having sex? When is the right time? Can it impact future relationships in a negative way?

As the episode starts, you’ll find that we are about to dive in - hope you got that Trey Songs reference? Well, Bianca made sure of that as she poses us with the heavyweight question ‘Are you a virgin?’ Clearly, Jennifer, mainly known to be more reserved was not expecting this so soon into the conversation as you can hear her whisper ‘oh shit’. Nevertheless, as we always say, this is a woman’s safe space so here we go.

Bianca describes, but obviously not in detail (we keep it PG people!) how she lost her virginity at the tender age of 13 years old. Unfortunately, this was a grooming situation which you can actually find more about in our ‘Girl, Speak Out!’ season one episode eight, where she explains her experience. This highlights the fact that not all first sexual interactions start off in the healthiest or common way, whatever that might be. Bianca encourages people to be more sensitive when judging someone based on age, they lost their virginity – not all reasons behind it are what you might think. Sade speaks candidly about how sex affected her mental health, how she began to view herself and how she saw other people. She points out that sex can blind you from seeing the things that are actually detrimental to your character, beliefs and general well being. Like a lot of young women, she also thought that sex was the ultimate be-all-end-all. But honestly, once it’s over it can appear overrated especially if experienced too early and not within a healthy relationship.

Jennifer had a different take and dropped the bombshell that she is in actual fact still a virgin at 25 years old; shocker, right? Well, you’ll be glad to know that there are so many women (and men of course) around that age bracket and even older that are in the same position. Now don’t get it twisted, being a virgin does not mean one has not divulged in other sexual activities, but society doesn’t always see it that way.

Collectively we ladies also spoke about the pressures people face regarding body counts, one of the ladies expressing that once upon a time a guy made her feel like no one would want her because of how many people she’d been with sexually. The notion of how many people one sleeps with or has had sexual relations with can negatively impact how they are perceived by society in general. Additionally, those that are virgins or have not engaged in certain sexual relations can also get the brunt of the stick, Jennifer describing how at times she has been made to feel being looked down upon or too ‘pure’ which believe it or not can actually act as a repellent in relationships.

The highly controversial topic of ‘sex before marriage’ was also touched upon. Coming from religious upbringings we shared our truths about how this played a part in our views of having/not having premarital sex. We highlighted that although our values are deeply rooted in our faith, let’s remember and give grace to ourselves as we are still human beings. It’s perfectly normal to wonder what this oh so amazing thing called 'sex' is all about and why can’t you have it before marriage? In this day and age, we are increasingly exposed to content with sexual connotations alongside puberty, so should this not be expected? But hey, that topic of conversation could have gone on forever.

There are so many more areas we wanted to touch on but due to timing and, well just, in general, the human attention span for listening to recordings being quite limited we had to end it somewhere. However, that being said we are thinking about expanding this conversation, digging even deeper and exploring sex in various scenarios.

So, if you’d like us to continue this conversation let us know. This is often a taboo subject and as uncomfortable as it may be (even for us) we strive to put our money where our mouth is and share our experiences to support our ethos of SIAP being a ‘woman’s safe space’.

Here are a few timestamps for your listening pleasure:

''I lost my virginity at 13 years old, it was a whole grooming situation.'' 18:15

''Sex definitely affected my mental health, how I saw myself and how I saw others. Sex changes everything.'' 20:00

''Sex is so overrated, I don't get how people enjoy this sex thing.'' 21:06

''Even me as a virgin, people look down on me and I don't like it.'' 33:59

''He made me feel like no one would want me because of how many people I've been with sexually.'' 31:08

''What's so amazing about this sex thing that I can't have it before marriage?'' 33:14

Listen here: https://linktr.ee/shesinapod

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Twitter: @shesinapod Instagram: @shesinapod Youtube: shesinapod Email: hello@shesinapod.com


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